Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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