Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
