i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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