Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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