handjob tips. give me some.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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