U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
