Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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