Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
