She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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