I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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