Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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