Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
