i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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