i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
