Umm I'm too high to move.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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