The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
