she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
