So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
