We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
