A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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