Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
wow bdsm is so cute
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
