apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
