Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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