He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
