Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
