It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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