so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
