It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
