i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
