We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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