Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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