she looked like the bat from fern gully.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
