He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
