I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
