omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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