We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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