It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
