i think my mom watched the whole time
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
