I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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