My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize