it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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