guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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