i was born a porn star she said
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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