All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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