i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
