Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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