Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
