is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
