youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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