he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
