I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
