next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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