We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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