this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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