when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
