I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
