oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize