I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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