omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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