Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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