its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
