I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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