if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
