I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
