and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
