he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
