True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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