Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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