can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
