ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
