everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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