pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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