Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
