Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
