sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
